@MrSandeepP: Apparently you're not supposed to tell "That's what she said jokes" during the Board meeting because it's "inappropriate"
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@Sassafrantz: [takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew.
@UnFitz: Me: Hi, mom. I'm feeling tremendous guilt. Mom: Why? Me: Just thought I'd save you the effort.
@thetigersez: The best part about getting older is now when my friends make me mad I just give their kids a gift that contains glitter.
@Dutch_50: I'll bet even homeless people look at funeral homes and think, "Nope. I'd rather stay out here."