@SoNotBrendan: Apple and Puma have developed smart track pants, they're called iPumaPants.
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@SadieSkyNinja: My spirit animal is a cockroach because I refuse to give up and die. Also I'm sorta crunchy.
@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
@longwall26: I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.