@SoNotBrendan: Apple and Puma have developed smart track pants, they're called iPumaPants.
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@JohnHilsen: Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe.
@prontopup: What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out.
@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.