@kelkulus: Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.
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@joanofdarkness: I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like "omg do u think he likes me???"
@RealSamHarwood: Unless you are literally the Dark Lord Voldemort then a snake is just not an acceptable pet dude
@SoVeryBritish: Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says "I'm going to have to cancel tonight"
@Bownuggets: Accidentally dropped a magic mushroom in my cats litter box & now he's laying across the driveway staring at the stars & quoting Kierkegaard