@haveigotnews: Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album.
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@WineMummy: Him: Didn't you buy that apple pie yesterday? Me: Yeah, so? Him: There's one small piece left. Me: And if you touch it, I'll stab you.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Most of us were taught to never get in cars with strangers, so taxi cabs make absolutely no sense.
@GensPlace: Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn't mean bottle.