@Rollinintheseat: Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.
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@AimeeHelene1: *walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
@Mindless4Miles: Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature.
@Reverend_Scott: [party] What exactly does BYOB mean? "Bring your own beer" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat
@trojansauce: [creating foxes] GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail ANGEL: ok... GOD: and make it sneaky ANGEL: you sure? GOD: yeah... real sneaky