@TheFakeCNN: Apple Watches your money go into their pocket.
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@WilliamAder: If they want to increase the use of public transit, they should start using a scale at the DMV license renewal counter.
@jwalkonthemoon: It's stupid that "girl" and "world" are rhymed together so much in songs when "squirrel" is right there for the taking.
@Marlebean: "If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus." What I actually said: "Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"