@TheFakeCNN: Apple Watches your money go into their pocket.
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@thispartyislame: Sprayed a spider with some Davidoff Cool Water & it didn't die. Now I'm just stuck with a spider that I wanna bang.
@iwearaonesie: *smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one
@rad_milk: im the guy responsible for throwing the chicken in the air for fried chicken commercials. i will never reveal my secret method's