@kelkulus: Apple will start making Macs in America. In related news, Macs will now cost 3 billion dollars. #SOTU
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@trevso_electric: Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds.
@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.