@Zombieionism: Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year.
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@AmishPornStar1: Financial Tip: When laundering money, always separate the bills from the coins and use the delicate cycle with a gentle detergent.
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.
@daemonic3: To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.