@NotthatAdamWest: April Fool's Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.
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@ehchino: [First date] So what do you do for a living? "I'm a florist" WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?
@theevilwriter: The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off.
@Thynebear: *goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"
@LDLevesque: I always envisioned Hermione as a burly, middle-aged Italian fellow, so imagine my surprise when the films revealed her to be a little girl.