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@SlabBaconBP: Aquafina is Spanish for "tap water in a plastic bottle"
@ehchino: Kid 1: I'm bored
Kid 2: me too
Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names
@goldengateblond: Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes.
@Modern_Psyche: Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting.
@TrelawnySara: creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is.
@pakalupapito: i get ignored so much
my name should be terms and conditions