@osno13: Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?
@beefman138: Teenaged girls post pics of their bodies and they're 'sexy.'
I post pics of my bodies and I'm a 'Serial Killer.'
@GuyThe_Guy: Maybe zombies just have shampoo in their eyes.
@generaldietz: Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes.
Her: What do you do with the time saved?
Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?
@AnimalSavages: Me as a dad
@man_spach: Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month.