@osno13: Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?
@SuchaDumbWorld: No officer, Vodka and I were hanging out and this car decided to join us.
@oxygenplug: If I was a doctor I would scare my patients by pretending to go check google every time they asked me a question
@KingFavre: This might be the funniest tweet ever
@NJFreudian: Which doesnt belong?
Camel......It's the only one on the list that knows something about the Middle East
@thesulk: I bet the Mayans made great boyfriends because they're always wrong about everything.