@osno13: Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: what’s going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven’t had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing
@Bexdora: ROMEO:But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? ME:Well if you'd just sod off like I asked, I wouldn't have to throw lamps at you.
@Jennuflect: *wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?