@TheMichaelRock: Are all NASCAR fans fat with goatee's or is that just the women?
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@hazelmotes1: Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE
@jus4golf: Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.
@IamEnidColeslaw: okay Mary that guy just smiled at you play it cool oh my god he's coming over here play it cool play it cool HI THERE I'M WEARING TWO BRAS
@24HourBitching: Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...