@NYC_Blonde: Are babies like tamagotchis? Like, will my friend take care of it if I forget it at her house?
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@Liber_what: Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too
@JennyJohnsonHi5: This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash.
@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: *holding $5 bill* what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay, but you still need to lose weight ME: *hands him $20 bill*