@NYC_Blonde: Are babies like tamagotchis? Like, will my friend take care of it if I forget it at her house?
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@HatfieldAnne: Eggs come out of the carton left to right, buddy. Not all willy-nilly like some crazy person who hates America.
@juicymorsel: Pretending you're dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.
@sarcasm_inc: Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir