@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@TitaniumToplass: Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.
@hippieswordfish: *newspaper headline* BIDEN'S EMAIL HACKED -'it was easy' the hackers said 'his password was 'password'