@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?
@WheelTod: On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings.
@JermHimselfish: I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath.