@WilliamAder: Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?
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@Violent2Dope304: Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.
@JeremyKCMO: You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic
@LostCatDog: You can lead a horse to water, but you probably can't do it as well as Sneaky Gary, the serial horse drowner.
@SteveSuckington: "Sorry my phone died" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened