@WilliamAder: Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?
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@HomeProbably: I asked for the phonebook, my girlfriend called me an antique and gave me her phone. I don't care, the spider's dead.
@squirrel74wkgn: Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Can I have some Oreos? Me: You have the flu. 6: I’m sick, not dead.
@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.