@Sickayduh: Are news anchors secretly insulting you? Moron this story at 11.
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@AndyAsAdjective: I've spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why "mustache" & "headache" don't rhyme.
@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
@TheRolo: [Text convo] Her: Can I come over right now? Me: [Puts entire mess in closet, puts high thread count sheets on bed & sprays Febreeze] Sure.
@krustythe_klown: A bum gets on a bus and walks past a nun. The nun says "youre going to hell". The bum yells "Damn, Im on the wrong bus" ! :D