@NYC_Blonde: Are people who write "prolly" rather than "probably" just lazy, completely illiterate, or do they actually think that's a word?
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@GrantTanaka: Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit
@SlappNuttz: My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Twitter. So, sadly this will be my last tweet, where I mention having a wife.
@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.