@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
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@bellicosejason: If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
@shariv67: Him "You run like a gazelle." Me "I'm graceful?" Him "No. You'd be easy prey for a mountain lion."
@GrandadJFreeman: Most girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Me: "I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants."
@CorkyKneivel: Pretty messed up that every year I swallow 8 spiders. And none of them ever call me again.