@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
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@TheWeirdWorld: Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.
@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
@RunwayDan: Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.
@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.