@bigmacher: "Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife's question: "how does my make-up look?"
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@travisauruss: I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down "Eye Of The Tiger" at the drivethru
@RobertJrDowney: Who's idea was it to package scissors in a package what requires scissors to open.
@iscoff: "Did you hire a wedding photographer?" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*
@VerifiedDrunk: I set my alarm clock 15 minutes fast because I enjoy doing math problems first thing in the morning,