@Ellierocks2013: are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?
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@OFalafel: Man on train saying he's in back-to-back meetings all day, I suggested trying face-to-face meetings. He left without thanking me.
@oakhillbargrill: Once upon a time (today) I had to help with pre school homework Me: -holds up yellow Me: What color is this? 4: McDonalds The end
@TommyWallace: Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but- Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what
@fro_vo: Angel: welcome to heaven Me: holy shit Angel: ooh you swore get out Devil: welcome to hell Me: holy shit Devil: ugh u said holy get out