@crunchenhanced: Are you a can of biscuits? Because I'd like to bang you on the counter.
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@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@KKAlThani: David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut.
@nbadag: [hosting a kids show] ME: ok everybody, what time is it?? say it loud!! KIDS: OWL! TOUCHING! TIME! [camera zooms in on a startled barn owl]