@pickupIines: are you a cat because i'm feline a connection between us
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@KentWGraham: I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would’ve been longer but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.
@DRUNKdadding: "Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today." -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now
@Dmvm1977: When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to "warm her up", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer
@Matt_The_Fist: I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes