@shutupmikeginn: "Are you already hot as shit? Then you'll look hot as shit in our glasses" - Every glasses ad
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@MommaWordsIt: Bonnie said I should join the Facebook like she did. Said its good way to get in touch with friends. Lord, at my age I'd need a ouija board
@BigBBanter: Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh...
@Soberphobiccc: Religious places never have free WiFi because no religion wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
@AndrewNadeau0: MY WIFE:We named you after our favorite songs. You were mine LAYLA: I love that ME: And you mine THEME FROM DUCKTALES: No, yeah, I figured