@CantWaitToNap: “Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?
@shatterpants: I just want to wear futuristic clothes & run up to people, ask them what year it is and the date and run away screaming "There's still time"
@SondraDeeMe: [home] FRIEND: How'd family dinner go? ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.
@ShortWhiteNUgly: I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music.