@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
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@Sickayduh: "We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you're gonna be the one to do it" "I...uhhh... Wha?" "Nailed it. Next state."
@Swishergirl24: The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
@timdonakowski: I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I'm sleeping.
@ruinedpicnic: J.K. Rowling: "Theres actually a goat with Harry Potter the entire time, its just never mentioned or does anything."