@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
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@trevso_electric: If you receive a text from Liam Neeson that says "LMAO," it stands for "let's murder Albanians overseas" and he wants his daughter back.
@economybacon: Man, my car is so fast, it could outrun a man combined with a horse "You mean Centaur, right?" Ohhh somebody went to college ooohh
@doktorj: *brings whipped cream to bed* Husband: Ohh, are we trying something new? Me: Will you hold this pumpkin pie while I get comfortable?