@iQuoteComedy: "Are you ok?" "No, I'm bleeding because its fun."
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@causticbob: I've written a book called, 'How Not To Get Conned Out Of Your Money'. It's available in all good bookshops priced £149.99.
@geowizzacist: 3 (calls out): daddy I'm cleaning the floor with a mob. Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that's a mob