@iQuoteComedy: "Are you ok?" "No, I'm bleeding because its fun."
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@drinksmcgee: The date had been magic. We moved to her couch & kissed. That’s when horror struck as my eyes locked on the Duck Dynasty DVDs on her shelf.
@sarcasticmommy4: My son gave me a list of things he'd like in his Easter basket. This isn't Christmas, kid. Do you want a chocolate bunny or not?
@truegritrumble: ME: Can I borrow your car? FRIEND: You already borrowed my car. ME: *nervously* Can I borrow another one?