@CheryeDavis: Are you on a Wanted Poster, because you are sketchy as hell...
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@Petote: *gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming "WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!" *
@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
@Donna_McCoy: *my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: "Wait, I have to pee."
@shesananteater: Cathy on FB is "feeling annoyed" and is asking why people even own cell phones if they're not gonna answer. Can I tell her? Pleeease.