@iscoff: "Are you pro gay?" he asked. "Amateur at best," I replied
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@Quartzjixler: The cashier wasn't impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said "Keep the change" from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase.
@zachreinert03: My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool
@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.