@iscoff: "Are you pro gay?" he asked. "Amateur at best," I replied
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@Brampersandon_: Hey whatcha eating? "A pluot" Wtf is a pluot? "A cross between a plum & an apricot" That's really stupid. *rides off on a liger*
@MikeDrucker: Stop saying "11/11/11" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works.
@Danny_McH2O: I like that the doctor always asks if I'm a smoker. When I say yes, he tells me I should quit. No shit? Thanks. Here's all my money.