@iscoff: "Are you pro gay?" he asked. "Amateur at best," I replied
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@OkieGirl405: I changed my relationship status to "I'm sharpening my knives" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit
@copymama: I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.
@better_off_dad: Doctor: What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry? Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok?
@SortaBad: Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around