@sageboggs: "Are you sexually ac-" [my doctor looks up at me] [he marks no]
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@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
@ericsshadow: My doctor told me, "If you don't quit smoking, it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat" and that was the best day of my life.
@skadel68: Human Resources just came up with a cool new term for just about everything I like to do at work. They call it "inappropriate"
@bornmiserable: Guys who say there's a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties.