@sageboggs: "Are you sexually ac-" [my doctor looks up at me] [he marks no]
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@joejwest: I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.
@ComedicBust: Does anyone know the life span of a honey baked ham? Please say 6 months. Never mind, I'm just gonna pretend everything's going to be ok.
@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.