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@Abdellsalam: -Are you single?
-No, I'm an album.
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: eat a cookie evry time u hav a good idea. this asociates idea w/ cookie. now evry time u eat a cookie u will think of a good idea
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@CliffDuffy: Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed.
Her: That's fine by me!
*burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*
@HatfieldAnne: Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
@roostermustache: Kid: help my cat's stuck in a tree can you save him
Me: of course little girl *throws bible at cat* do you accept jesus as your lord