@Lamalover2: Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?
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@Cpin42: I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.
@DranoRaul: Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
@PaperWash: me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived
@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.