@Kauaibride: he said he adored my imperfections.
and i was like WHAT IMPERFECTIONS????
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@markleggett: Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with “America” written on it.
@david8hughes: [baby pushes food away as I try feeding it]
Fine. Die.
@sixfootcandy: My tax refund was so big that I didn't even have to dilute my body wash with water this month.
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