@vladchoc: Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth.
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@VerbsRProudest: One time I knocked my hot curling iron off the sink & caught it in my open palm because I have the catlike reflexes of a dim-witted ninja.
@OctopusCaveman: This Halloween I’ve decided to be the house with the king size candy bars but I’m turning my porch light off because I’m not sharing.
@TheCatWhisprer: If you thought you had a rough night, my toddler couldn't wear an oven mitt to bed.
@gitson_shiggles: Me: "I love you so much. I bought you this beautiful rare green rose." GF: "That's a cabbage....." Me: "YOU ARE SOOOO UNGRATEFUL, DIANE."