@vladchoc: Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth.
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@TheMichaelRock: [at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it.
@InternetHippo: Health care reform is a tough sell politically. How do you campaign against health insurance companies, whom everyone loves
@shesananteater: One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"
@NightValeRadio: Listen to your inner child. It's the one that whisper-sings nursery rhymes when you feel alone in a dark hallway.