@TimFederle: Aren't we all.
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@TravLeBlanc: Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn rather than spend Christmas with their families.
@markleggett: MAJOR TOM: Tell my wife I love her very much… GROUND CONTROL: She knows. MAJOR TOM: Wait… Is she with you now? GROUND CONTROL: Bye, Tom.
@kumailn: The director of "A Girl in the River" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Are those Chinos? Me: No. These are my pants. Coworker... Me: Who steals pants?