@Smug_Lemur: Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over.
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@LethargicLife: Coworker: You smell good. What is that? Armani? Me: Thanks! It's Febreze. I just took a dump.
@jergarl: In my defense, my response to her inquiry as to how my day was going was "I'm less stabby than normal" not "Please tell me about your cat."
@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.