@Schmoodles: Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato.
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@Ygrene: "Please refrain, Angry God, from using the Newspaper of Doom" the Spider King cries as he orders another sacrifice into your sleeping mouth
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
@dlockw21: In my experience, people who say "I'm not trying to be difficult," don't really seem to be trying all that hard.
@jonnysun: MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is… this ur card? [holds up card that says "UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP"] ME: holy crap