@NourHadidi: Arguing with your parents is like trying to explain how to download music from iTunes to a plant.
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@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.
@sarcasm_inc: HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT
@weinerdog4life: Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food.
@lwhit_the_boss: My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos