@yoyoha: ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
@jimmytorosian: Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?
Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague.
@English_Muffin: In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
@cogentanalysis: I like my men like I like my coffee: encouraging my bowel movements
@fart: accidentally called the guy at the oil change place "mom"
@davedittell: ZOMBIE MOM: Brains for dinner!
TEEN ZOMBIE: Again?!? [slamming bedroom door] I wish I was alive!!