@yoyoha: ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
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@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@SharkJelly: [1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken
@thetigersez: Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated.
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone