@LizHackett: Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
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@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@squirrel74wkgn: Grandpa: Music today is terrible Me: Here, try this *hands him iPod* Grandpa: Fine *slides iPod into tape deck*
@msgwenl: Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"