@LizHackett: Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
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@katlamcglynn: Why are books the only thing advertised as "Wherever books are sold." You can't sell other stuff by saying "Wherever you get this shit, IDK"
@LindaInDisguise: How to eat French fries: 1) Eat all the good ones. 2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior. 3) Wait 5 minutes. 4) Eat all the yucky ones.
@TheToddWilliams: [Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?
@SCbchbum: "I'll have a caramel macchiato, hold the espresso & milk." "Miss, that's just a cup of caramel sauce." "You heard me."