@LizHackett: Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
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@TheAlexP: Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire.
@michaelianblack: Ugh: I hid three dozen raw eggs in the house last night after taking Ambien and now I can't find them.
@kevinseccia: The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says "kill, kill, kill" as his eyes swirl...
@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.