@LizHackett: Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
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@AmberTozer: "Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you" - my fashion blog
@MUMSIEesq: [HOSPITAL] DOCTOR: "A-tisket a-tasket, you're gonna need a casket." WIFE: "What?" DR: "Your husband's knee surgery did not go well AT ALL."
@ddsmidt: On the box it said "do not put your tongue on battery." I would never put my tongue on a battery. Although. I kinda want to now.
@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree