@gfoster18: Around 70% of the earth is made up of water, and the other 30% is filled with news articles about George Zimmerman
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@_ironworx_: Stop tweeting MORNING WOOD jokes! You get followed by timber accounts and woodpeckers. Unless you’re building an Ark. In that case carry on
@metafroth: If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
@Rollmaninoz: *KFC* Me: how tender is the chicken? Employee: [points to chicken crying watching the notebook]
@bourgeoisalien: Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?