@gfoster18: Around 70% of the earth is made up of water, and the other 30% is filled with news articles about George Zimmerman
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@juliussharpe: My wife bought four grapefruit spoons. You know, for all those times in your life when there are four people eating grapefruit at once.
@thepunningman: [interview] Boss: Your CV says eggs, milk, bread Me: That's right [cut to supermarket] Wife: Excuse me, where are the attention to details?
@senorwinces: Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: I'm growing some vegetables. Me: What if the pig eats them? Wife: Then I'm growing porkchops.