@LoveNLunchmeat: Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as "Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."
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@GoldenSpirals: Walks up in da club like "Has anyone seen my Mom? She'll be the one trying to cover up everyone's cleavage."
@Carter_TCB: Just found out men don't need prostate exams till at least 40. I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do.
@RobDenBleyker: Video games don't cause violence, they PREVENT it. Whenever I see a turtle now, I chuck it off the nearest cliff where it can't hurt anyone.
@KyleMcDowell86: "Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] "Actually it's lasagna"