@2p2TrollCat: Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.
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@daemonic3: My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
@bazecraze: A National Treasure where Nicholas Cage has to find the model number on a 15 year old dishwasher.
@FeralCrone: A kid at the park said a giant hemorrhoid is heading toward Earth. I know he misspoke but in the closing days of 2016 one can't be too sure.
@prontopup: What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out.