@2p2TrollCat: Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.
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@badbanana: Man of Steel question. When young Clark Kent was wearing a cape in the yard, who was he pretending to be? Liberace?
@KeetPotato: [interrupts gf talking about her dream wedding] lol a horse drawn carriage? "what's funny about that?" a horse can't hold a pencil karen
@therealeatwood: ARTEMIS: No man shall boast he has seen Artemis bathe! *turns Actæon into a stag* [Artemis nudes go viral, 2.2M viewers turn into stags]
@GrantTanaka: wife: ugh I feel so old me: you're only 36 wife: ugh me: that’s like three 12yr olds wife: what me: what