@IntrepidDeviant: *Arrives at ticket stall with my girl* Me: Two tickets to the movie please. Attendant: For The Hobbit? Me: No, that's my girlfriend.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WittySassBasket: Cop: raise your hands Me: ok, but if you looked down you'd see the same thing C: ma'am? M: they're right there C: how high are you? M: yes
@lorigonzalez28: Pinterest could've been an amazing dating site. If the project ideas came with men to do them, there wouldn't be a single cat lady left.
@AntoKenya: A Couple of underscores is to a couple of underscores? Ok. RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint.