@IntrepidDeviant: *Arrives at ticket stall with my girl* Me: Two tickets to the movie please. Attendant: For The Hobbit? Me: No, that's my girlfriend.
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@karentozzi: Welcome to middle age, here's your card. You'll now have a favorite local weatherman and your elbows will never be pointy again.
@iSmashFizzle: Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops.
@OutOnTheMoors: Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way.