@wickedimproper: ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50's.
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@underchilde: Sorry I totaled your car. I saw your kid made the honor roll, so I let go of the wheel to applaud.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: Ate shrooms & I feel nothing. Just an awful taste in my mouth. Also the dealer overcharged me. Also he's a centaur with spiders for lips
@LuvPug: My dog is disabled so I have to hold him up when he pees. Long story short, I'm getting really good at writing my name in the snow.
@NotKarma: Cops don't like it when you ask them "Need some help?" especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.