@Tups13: As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals.
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@AmericanGent69: Her: *whispering seductively in my ear* Tell me what you want baby. Me: *whispering back* I was thinking maybe Thai food but up to you.
@Wtftab: I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families.
@kwirkyKerri: All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children.
@Shadrach451: I refuse to stay at a Holiday Inn until they publicly specify what holiday they are referring to.