@joekellyjk47: As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that.
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@Sickayduh: Jurassic Park Jurassic Park II Jurassic Park III Jurassic Park IIII Jurassic Park IIIII [this fence is taking forever]
@Dwarven_Cleric: People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
@3sunzzz: [traffic stop] Officer: Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *backseat full of penguins* Um, I'm guessing the aquarium called?
@mstluvstrinkets: "Ok, so you love kids and a clean house? Really, you don't drink but you like to drive?" Me, interviewing the perfect sister wife