@ricsem: As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices - take it or leave it.
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@pinningnut: It's a dark stormy night. You're scared & alone. You hear a bump in the night. You jump! You scream! Then your cat comes in the house drunk.
@OtherDanOBrien: DENTIST: Been flossing? ME: Yup D: [reaches into my mouth & pulls out a copy of the NY Times dated 7/5/14] I put this in there last time
@carlawh: When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background.