@shutupmikeginn: As a child, 'The Jetsons' gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog.
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@MomofTeen: Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card? Me: If i had to guess, I'd say it's 11 pt. Arial bold.
@bobvulfov: [as i'm getting buried alive by a serial killer] wait stop who's gonna feed my tamagotchis
@gogglepossum: [Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?