@Sickayduh: As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot
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@Ygrene: [being murdered] Me: hey stop for a sec Murderer: what Me: just want to say you're really (finger quotes)…killing it [murdering intensifies]
@StoferComic: My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song "Get Off the Stage or Die." Elvis, maybe?
@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*