@Sickayduh: As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot
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@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.
@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
@GlennyRodge: "Do you like Tolstoy?" "Of course. Who doesn't?" "What's your favourite book?" "The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".
@StellaRtwot: If an interviewer asks you: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" say "I don't know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?"