@buhsbaby_baby: As a grown woman with no children or morals to slow me down, I will have a definite advantage during tomorrow's family Easter egg hunts.
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@sammyrhodes: Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free.
@jonnysun: DATE: dessert? MY BRAIN: im full MY STOMACH: i want food DATE: one piece of chocolate wont hurt MY DOG: THAT MAN IS TRYIMG TO KILL MY OWNER
@3sunzzz: [aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*
@Midgetspar: Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.