@MelvinofYork: As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some.
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@SequelsWeWant: Monsters, Inc. 3: It's harder to make kids laugh The Internet has made them jaded The monster need help They teach the kids to smoke pot
@Spaziotwat: [Last Supper] Jesus:"We need 13 chairs please" Judas:"But chairs don't fall into common usage until the 16th century AD" Jesus:"AD?"
@ihateitmunky: Date Her: OMG my dad keeps texting me he's so annoying Me: [hoping to impress her] yeah he's a piece of shit
@roxiqt: DATE: Didn't you order peppers on your salad? I don't see any- ME: *whispers* Ghost peppers